“i am the monster you told me i was” by Linda M. Crate

i am the monster you told me i was
someone else experienced
what i did,
the violation of trust
between parent and child;
when they read
their diary—
she said it was a trauma,
and i think she’s right;
because i still have feelings about
how wrong it was
for you to have done that—
especially since you punished and belittled me
for how i felt,
and maybe i was wrong sometimes;
but you could’ve encouraged conversations
that were meaningful and included me
reassuring me my fears were simply nightmares
my head conjured—
instead you bullied, belittled, and wounded me
further than you already did simply by being you;
and so i have learned to keep everything
locked inside—
everyone wants behind the windows of my eyes,
but i keep them locked outside;
cannot trust anyone because i’m afraid they’ll
rip me apart like you did—
and i am no longer that shaking rabbit,
i am the damphyr who wants her blood;
full of rage and pain and fury i’ll rip them apart instead,
and i don’t want to be the monsters that broke me.

 

 

 

Linda M. Crate is a writer whose works have been published in numerous magazines and anthologies both online and in print. She is the author of six poetry chapbooks, the latest of which is: More Than Bone Music (Clare Songbirds Publishing House, March 2019). She is also the author of the novel Phoenix Tears (Czykmate Books, June 2018). She is the author of one full-length poetry collection entitled Vampire Daughter (Dark Gatekeeper Gaming, February 2020) and has a forthcoming second full-length collection entitled The Sweetest Blood (Cyberwit).

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